Boo Hinnies!

Be Afraid....Be Very Afraid!

Best Friends

By far the best YouTube video to date.



I could watch it over and over. Oh wait, I already have.

Evolution

You would never expect that on some days, if someone offered you a diamond tennis bracelet or for her 7:00pm bedtime to come now that you would choose the bedtime.

You would never expect that her routine blood draw would hurt you more than labor pains.

You would never expect that you were secretly happy when your little pink octopus pushed that fairy kid out of her way, after that fairy kid had cut off your octopus.

You would never expect to stare into a monitor that your husband had to have and that you thought was stupid at the time, at least 3 times during the night.

In fact, you would never expect to stare into the monitor at all, since she wasn't making a sound, and you are only one door down the hall.

Good thing the monitor is in color, who knows when she may decide to climb out of her crib and change her pajamas on her own.

You would never expect that eating dinner at 4:30pm was just as delicious as it is at 7:00pm. Doesn't everyone eat dinner at 4:30pm?

You would never expect to finally understand why it was that your own mother was simply unable to tell you to have a good time, without having to mention every possible disaster which may befall you.

You would never expect to not even notice your own reflection in the mirror when she is in your arms.

You would never expect to think that 5 pacifiers in her crib was not excessive.

You would never expect to discover that every aspect of your being would change when she was born.

I do.

We arrived at the rehearsal on-time, at 4:15 in the afternoon, only to be met by Joel, a producers Boxer, Dyson, and Gracie, an ancient best of all breeds 9 year-old therapy dog, who was ready to retire before she arrived on set. We were instructed to immediately dress for the show and prepare for the two plus hour rehearsal. So there we were, Quentin in his veil and Delilah with her top hat, which kept falling to the side, making her look somewhat less than debonair. Simply put the pugs were amazing. In no time at all they walked on set, costume on, and stood staring into the camera, longing for the tiny morsel of food that was to meet their lips, as soon as the producer shouted clear. We were set and on for the next day at 2:00am.

I rushed home only to sit in the usual traffic on the 170 at 6:30 in the evening. With the pugs passed out in the back seat, I phoned the usual suspects and described the events that would occur the following morning. Home I went, where I downed a Benedryl, swallowed what remained of my lunch, and off to bed I went. At 10:30 I awoke. Waiting for my alarm to sound at 1:30, I got up early, dressed, in clean clothes this time, and headed out in the still filthy Scion. Of course, wait, you guess. What could possibly go wrong already? You are wrong. Guess again. Wrong again. Alright, I will tell you. Yup...that is right, no gas! We pulled into the local Shell station where the neighborhood gangster wannabees stood loitering in front of the Del Taco gas station combo. I jammed $10 into the tank and away we went.

As we pulled into the driveway, the hot model boy from the day before was in the lot smoking his cigarette on his skateboard. Still somewhat nice looking, at least for two in morning, he muttered, you here for the shoot? Yes, I proclaimed, you? Trying to sound cool and not seem like the crazy lady with the 2 untrained pugs, I acted like this was a regular thing for us. Wait, that wouldn't be so cool either, huh? Oh well, later to play the highly proclaimed role of Bartholomew Jojo Simpson, the strung out boy skated away down the street.

Blah. Blah. Blah. It was finally time to shoot. Delilah began her duck quacking noise as soon as the cameras began to role. Kim, now looking not so sophisticated in her faded jeans and Croc thongs, wanted to know why Delilah seemed so grumpy. I thought...hmmmm....let me count the ways....did she realize it was 3 in the morning, freezing cold and incredibly miserable on her hope to be Oscar worthy set, which consisted of 2 candles, a dozen underpaid "actors" and 3 pumpkins. Not even nice pumpkins, but pumpkins oddly shaped with no stems. Don't say it Amanda. Don't do it. Oh, I chuckled, she is not grumpy. She is just breathing hard because she is excited about all of the action.

So, by 3:45am the camera was rolling, and yes, Delilah continued the duck noises throughout the morning. By daylight, I had been hit on by the plus sized Elvis, had consumed numerous cups of coffee and the cold eggs from Dupars, and had begged the pugs on numerous occasions to do their personal business outside of the studio. Stop. You have to picture this Elvis. After trying to rally myself and the other actors to walk off the set, in hopes to gain an additional fifty or so dollars, he commented on several occasions how I might look in the tight fitting Princess Leia outfit. Why doesn't she wear that costume, he questioned as he looked over to me and raised his Elvis brow. Thankfully, after the 24 live news feeds to various stations throughout the country were filmed, we were dismissed.

Oh no, don't think it is over. I am still awaiting my payment and was also recently contacted by Kim's assistant, who wanted to know if I had, in fact, "accidentally taken the bride and groom costumes by mistake." I wish I had. I wish had, because I need some sort of souvenir to remind me of my day in the life of a movie star.

See Pugs in Drag Now!

Pug Stars x 2?

Thank you to Elaine, who passed my name along to Hollywood Paws. I received a call from "Joel," who was looking for 2 pugs to sit in front of a live news feed in silly costumes at 2 in the morning. Yep, you guessed it. He found our Quentin and Delilah. Today was our first audition, which went something like this....

It was so comical, right out of a bad movie. I arrived somewhere on Olympic in Los Angeles at about 1pm today. When I got there, all I saw was immense office buildings and high powered 30 something executives in power suits, high heels, and a bit too much lipstick, passing me by at a record pace. I stepped out of Damon's filthy Scion with my two misbehaved canines and headed for the only tiny patch of grass within miles, which was unfortunately located directly in front of an overpriced bistro. The patrons looked on as Quentin and Delilah found the perfect spot, assumed the position, and released last nights dinner. TMI?

Dressed for the occasion in my own filthy jeans and ancient zip up sweatshirt, I waited patiently until Joel, the dog trainer, and his sidekick arrived 20 or so minutes late. Thankfully, they were very easy going and seemed pleased enough with the pugs at their initial glance. They then informed me that the building we were entering was "not too dog friendly," and they asked that I carry not one pug through the building but both! I scooped them up and rushed them past the guard, who made sure to inform me that dogs were not allowed in the building. Joel and his buddy bantered back that these were "professionals, who were working." I thought to myself, hmmmmm, guess this means we got the job, if we were in fact, already "working." We crammed into the elevator, closely situated next to the cocker spaniel, who was dressed in 50's attire, and scooted out into an entire floor of the office building. The pugs seemed to slide across the marble floors, when I noticed the executives in their uptight meeting, where I am sure they were accomplishing almost as much as I was today. And, yes, they noticed us.

We were then quickly rushed into a dressing room where male model/actors were changing into costumes for their next significant role as Homer Simpson or Mr. Burns. The pugs were then asked to undress, and in the nude, they stood waiting for their costume fittings. Unfortunately, Quentin was a bit large for the highly sophisticated grooms costume, but seemed to fit nicely in the bride's dress, which is very lacy and feminine, I might add. Then after Kim, the head of the production who knew nothing about dogs and who seemed to be playing Meryl Streep's character in The Devil Wears Prada, deemed Quentin beautiful, Delilah was fitted for a new tuxedo, which will be hunted down prior to tomorrows rehearsal by the poor assistant of this obnoxious Kim woman. Well they seemed to be passing, I thought. Is this a good thing, I began to wonder, as the dog trainer dressed as a priest now, attempted to stroll the happy pug couple down the aisle for the final round of the audition. Kim watched carefully criticizing every move, asking me if they would make noise on set. Of course not, I stated confidently out loud, but secretly giggled inside. A tiny piece of me was even hoping that Quentin would lift his leg on her designer pants.

She then proclaimed that there will be instances, when the pugs are unable to see their "mom." Kim then headed over to Quentin and Delilah and explained that she would now stand in front of them to block me from their view. All 90 pounds and 6 feet of her walked over and stood in front of the pugs, who keep in mind, were only 5 feet away from me! They looked at her, I looked at them, and I was certain we were thinking the same thing. She then stepped away and announced that they would work. So, the job we have! Myself and the 2 trainers left the building after they had spent all of their quarters, pumping them into the meter so that I wouldn't get the filthy Scion towed. We all had a good laugh as we exited the elevator and agreed to meet tomorrow for the final rehearsal at 4:15pm, which shoots prior to the filming at 2:00am.