I do.

We arrived at the rehearsal on-time, at 4:15 in the afternoon, only to be met by Joel, a producers Boxer, Dyson, and Gracie, an ancient best of all breeds 9 year-old therapy dog, who was ready to retire before she arrived on set. We were instructed to immediately dress for the show and prepare for the two plus hour rehearsal. So there we were, Quentin in his veil and Delilah with her top hat, which kept falling to the side, making her look somewhat less than debonair. Simply put the pugs were amazing. In no time at all they walked on set, costume on, and stood staring into the camera, longing for the tiny morsel of food that was to meet their lips, as soon as the producer shouted clear. We were set and on for the next day at 2:00am.

I rushed home only to sit in the usual traffic on the 170 at 6:30 in the evening. With the pugs passed out in the back seat, I phoned the usual suspects and described the events that would occur the following morning. Home I went, where I downed a Benedryl, swallowed what remained of my lunch, and off to bed I went. At 10:30 I awoke. Waiting for my alarm to sound at 1:30, I got up early, dressed, in clean clothes this time, and headed out in the still filthy Scion. Of course, wait, you guess. What could possibly go wrong already? You are wrong. Guess again. Wrong again. Alright, I will tell you. Yup...that is right, no gas! We pulled into the local Shell station where the neighborhood gangster wannabees stood loitering in front of the Del Taco gas station combo. I jammed $10 into the tank and away we went.

As we pulled into the driveway, the hot model boy from the day before was in the lot smoking his cigarette on his skateboard. Still somewhat nice looking, at least for two in morning, he muttered, you here for the shoot? Yes, I proclaimed, you? Trying to sound cool and not seem like the crazy lady with the 2 untrained pugs, I acted like this was a regular thing for us. Wait, that wouldn't be so cool either, huh? Oh well, later to play the highly proclaimed role of Bartholomew Jojo Simpson, the strung out boy skated away down the street.

Blah. Blah. Blah. It was finally time to shoot. Delilah began her duck quacking noise as soon as the cameras began to role. Kim, now looking not so sophisticated in her faded jeans and Croc thongs, wanted to know why Delilah seemed so grumpy. I thought...hmmmm....let me count the ways....did she realize it was 3 in the morning, freezing cold and incredibly miserable on her hope to be Oscar worthy set, which consisted of 2 candles, a dozen underpaid "actors" and 3 pumpkins. Not even nice pumpkins, but pumpkins oddly shaped with no stems. Don't say it Amanda. Don't do it. Oh, I chuckled, she is not grumpy. She is just breathing hard because she is excited about all of the action.

So, by 3:45am the camera was rolling, and yes, Delilah continued the duck noises throughout the morning. By daylight, I had been hit on by the plus sized Elvis, had consumed numerous cups of coffee and the cold eggs from Dupars, and had begged the pugs on numerous occasions to do their personal business outside of the studio. Stop. You have to picture this Elvis. After trying to rally myself and the other actors to walk off the set, in hopes to gain an additional fifty or so dollars, he commented on several occasions how I might look in the tight fitting Princess Leia outfit. Why doesn't she wear that costume, he questioned as he looked over to me and raised his Elvis brow. Thankfully, after the 24 live news feeds to various stations throughout the country were filmed, we were dismissed.

Oh no, don't think it is over. I am still awaiting my payment and was also recently contacted by Kim's assistant, who wanted to know if I had, in fact, "accidentally taken the bride and groom costumes by mistake." I wish I had. I wish had, because I need some sort of souvenir to remind me of my day in the life of a movie star.

See Pugs in Drag Now!