The Membership that Gives You So Much More

I have been thinking about several interesting and very bloggable subjects lately, but it is today's historic events that must take precedence. Olivia and I shot out of the house at 9:30am this morning and headed over to pick-up Granny and Grandpa Hat. Grandpa Hat made his usual grand entrance to the car, as he tripped over the corner of his lawn and wobbled like a drunken sailor to his seat in the front row. Grandpa Hat is now 87 and refuses to use his walker, because it "makes me feel old." Who needs a walker when you have a 30 something year-old daughter to catch you as you fall?

Fast forward.

With the car fully loaded, we headed to Dr. Myshitdontstink's to reschedule a serious procedure that my mom is now only thinking about enduring. As I am speeding down the freeway, Grandpa Hat announces, "I have to use the toilet." Now, this is serious business when you are 87 and is not to be taken lightly. Sphinkters don't work quite like they used to, if you get my drift. Do you want me to turn the car around? "No, I want to go in the building in Burbank," he demands. Dad, how about El Pollo Loco or McDonalds? How about something close by? "No, I like the toilet in the building." Luckily for me, he managed to make it to the men's room in time, announcing for all to hear, "spent a nickel."

We aren't even to the good part yet. For the previous two or so hours I thought, 10 minutes isn't too long is it? I was certain that Grandpa Hat would be able to handle waiting in the car alone with Olivia. All I needed was 10 minutes without a certain senior or a certain toddler to arrange a medical procedure for a certain someone. Sure, no problem. Olivia was focused on Elmo Visits the Doctor and seemed perfectly content to eat her smiley faced gummi fruits. Grandpa Hat was given detailed instructions, which entailed remaining seated in the car until I returned.

I raced into the office, where my mother and I were asked to wait while the woman who schedules the surgeries finished filing her nails. I watched the clock on my Crackberry closely, as the minutes passed by. I am sure everything is fine I thought to myself, as my always optimistic mother told me that it was very possible that Grandpa Hat might try to take Olivia out of the car. After the rescheduling concluded, I made my way rapidly out to the parking lot and witnessed Grandpa Hat demanding that one of the parking attendants contact AAA to open the car door. As soon as he saw me, he exploded in all of his senior anger demanding to know where I was and what was taking so long! "She is crying, he said frantically, and the door is locked!" He went on to explain that he was only 2 minutes away from breaking out my window with his cane. I guess I should be thankful he didn't have a walker. I immediately ran to the car to find Olivia out of gummi snacks but quite pleased that her movie was still playing. Yes, all of the doors were in fact, locked. I am still uncertain how Grandpa Hat had managed that.

I canceled the call to AAA, and we headed for lunch at CPK. The day seemed to progress as my salad arrived. I also took some joy in watching Olivia smear pizza grease all over the streak-free shiny windows. However, that joy turned sour, when my car keys fell into the toilet at my mom's house. It happens, I suppose.